


Numinous

by Kebbi



Series: All things unholy [1]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Demons, Getting Together, Gods, Haikyuu Urban Fantasy Bang, Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Immortality, Implied Sexual Content, Light Angst, M/M, One Night Stands, Semi Eita is a Good Significant Other, Shirabu Kenjirou is a Little Shit, Urban Fantasy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-01
Updated: 2021-01-06
Packaged: 2021-03-11 05:09:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 9,839
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28409766
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kebbi/pseuds/Kebbi
Summary: “There’s been those rumours again,” Kawanishi said, sipping on his coffee. The demon had a terrible case of bed hair and the expression in his eyes hinted at the headache that probably pained him. Shirabu had advised him numerous times to forgo the salt when drinking Tequila shots, but apparently that wasn’t authentic enough. That’s what he got for not listening.“I’ve heard them too!” Goshiki nodded excitedly.A confused frown spread on Shirabu’s face, as he stirred in his tea. “What rumours?”“It’s said that there’s been gods around recently,” Kawanishi explained casually. “Or maybe they were never really gone.”Something uncomfortable churned at Shirabu’s unconscious but he tried to laugh it off.“That’s impossible, they’ve been long-forgotten,” he said and maybe he was trying to convince himself more than he was trying to convince the other two. “Sometimes rumours are just that: rumours.”
Relationships: Goshiki Tsutomu/Koganegawa Kanji (minor), Semi Eita/Shirabu Kenjirou
Series: All things unholy [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2093364
Comments: 8
Kudos: 83





	1. EINS

**Author's Note:**

> This is my work for the Haikyuu Urban Fantasy Bang!  
> I was matched up with two amazing artists who created art for this fic. I'm very very thankful I got to work with them! Please give them some love :)  
> Jae (https://www.instagram.com/displayjae/ | https://displayjae.tumblr.com/)  
> Iris (https://twitter.com/kuehjpg | https://www.instagram.com/kueh.jpg/)
> 
> Ker was so kind to beta this fic for me (https://archiveofourown.org/users/lilleeboi/profile | https://lilleeboi.tumblr.com/ | https://twitter.com/lilleeboi) They were a really big help so thanks again!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Art by Jae (https://www.instagram.com/displayjae/ | https://displayjae.tumblr.com/)

Music was playing in the dim room, a good balance between upbeat and atmospheric coming from the speakers. Shirabu wasn’t sure how the owner managed to get the music just right, but he did every time. He’d never heard anyone complain. Then again, the crowd at the Numinous wasn’t exactly demanding, mostly low class demons and mages looking for a space to be by themselves, away from humans and their curious gazes. More powerful individuals like Kawanishi or himself weren’t exactly the regular clientele, usually frequenting more sophisticated establishments. But Kawanishi didn’t have the money to spare and Shirabu lacked other friends.

So the Numinous was their best bet, offering cheap drinks, good music and privacy. It only happened occasionally that some oblivious human or other would stumble into the bar, but no one  _ really  _ cared. They weren’t inconveniencing anyone for the most part.

What bothered Shirabu way more, was that flashy owner shooting him glances from the far end of the room. Even from this distance, he could see the glint in his eyes, drawing Shirabu in. The man smirked when their eyes met, before he looked away again, his attention demanded by a group of women wanting to order.

“You’re staring again, Kenji,” Kawanishi stated monotonously, interrupting Shirabu’s state of trance.

Shirabu angrily shifted his gaze towards his demon friend. “I’m not!” 

“Whatever you say.” 

“ _ He  _ was looking at  _ me  _ first.”

Clearly amused, Kawanishi raised an eyebrow. “I thought you weren’t looking?”

The strawberry blonde clicked his tongue, eyes focusing on the movement of his cognac instead, gently swirling it around in his glass.

“Maybe you guys should get rid of that weird tension that’s been hanging in the air for months now, so we can go back to actually feeling relaxed here.”

Before Shirabu could hiss anything at his friend, Goshiki plopped down on the bench next to Kawanishi with curiosity in his eyes.

“What are you talking about?”

“I’m trying to help Shirabu resolve some sexual tension.”

“Since when is it  _ sexual _ ?! As if I’d be into _ that, _ ” he threw a disgusted glance over to the counter where said man was currently pouring syrup into a cocktail glass, accidentally spilling a few drops onto his hand. Shirabu most certainly didn’t watch the way he licked the liquid off his fingertips.

Their eyes met, the provocative smirk back on the other’s lips. 

_ Fuck. _

“So you admit there’s tension, huh?”

“Between who?” Goshiki asked, completely unaware. But Kawanishi seemingly couldn’t be bothered to reply, and Shirabu definitely wouldn’t tell him. It was enough that Kawanishi was in on it, though there clearly wasn’t anything to be in on, if you asked him.

The black-haired demon was suddenly distracted anyway, gaze trained on a blonde guy with some brown hair strands sticking up oddly, who’d just walked in. He looked completely ridiculous and 100% human, but Goshiki seemed a little intimidated. 

The guy scanned the room searchingly, his eyes finally settling on Goshiki and a wide smile spreading on his face.

“Ugh, not him again.” With a pained expression he downed the glass of rum that originally belonged to Kawanishi. “I have to go.”

He stood up and disappeared into the crowd before the blonde man could make his way over to their table.

“What was that about?” Shirabu asked as he eyed the poor guy looking around for Goshiki.

“I guess he has an unwanted suitor,” Kawanishi replied with an amused shrug.

“He’s an  _ incubus _ .”

“Well, he’s a picky eater. Not that a healer like you would understand.” 

Even after all this time, Shirabu stumbled over the word  _ healer. _ He’d been pretending for over a decade now, yet it still felt like an ill-fitting mask at times. 

“I guess so,” he replied halfheartedly, watching as the ginger stood up.

“I hate to leave so abruptly, but,” Kawanishi gestured towards a tall demon near the entrance with a wink. “My date arrived.” 

In the twinkling of an eye, Kawanishi was gone (his bill unpaid) and Shirabu was left alone. He sighed and moved to finish his drink at the counter. Though he wasn’t fond of that annoying bartender, his pride forbade him from sitting pathetically alone in their booth.

As soon as he sat on one of the bar stools, he was met with sharp eyes examining him. In the bar’s blue-ish light, his ash blonde hair looked almost silver.

“Lost all your company?” 

“I don’t mind being by myself,  _ Semi, _ ” Shirabu replied, trying to keep his voice neutral.

“And yet you came up to sit at the counter.”

“I just wanted a refill,” Shirabu shoved his almost empty glass further towards the bartender.

“Same as always?” He didn’t wait for Shirabu’s reply though, already pouring the amber liquid into his glass. Shirabu reached for his drink, ready to disappear back into some corner of the bar, but Semi pulled the glass away before he could.

“Quit it!” he hissed with a scowl on his face.

“Stay a bit.” Semi’s voice had something alluring and Shirabu hated himself for sitting back down. When the bartender let go of his glass with a victorious smirk, he immediately took a big swig of his cognac, enjoying the light burn in his throat.

“Fine. Just for a bit.”

He sat there, quietly sipping his drink and watching as Semi drew beer for two guys at the other end of the bar, winking at them as he received a generous tip. 

“Well, that’s also a way to make money,” Shirabu said bitterly when the bartender was back with him again.

“What, are you jealous?” Semi grinned, and the strawberry blonde regretted saying anything at all.

“Certainly not,” Shirabu hissed back, not looking up to meet the other’s gaze.

“Aw, don’t pout. Your next drink is on the house.”

“I’m not pouting.” 

“Okay, sure,” Semi replied but it didn’t sound authentic.

“I’m not!”

The bartender laughed, charming little crinkles forming in the corner of his eyes. “Okay.”

“Do you always flirt with your customers?”

Semi leaned in closer, resting his chin on his hand, as his other hand grazed Shirabu’s fingers.

“Only with a select few.”

~

It seemed that Shirabu had stayed for more than just  _ a bit _ . When he opened his eyes the next morning, feeling not too groggy since his healing abilities prevented any major hangover, the first thing Shirabu spotted was ruffled ash blonde hair. He swallowed thickly, before cautiously peeking underneath the unfamiliar blanket that covered both of them.

_ That was bad, really bad. _

Carefully, so as not to disturb the sleeping form beside him, he slipped out of bed, picked up the clothes scattered in the room, and tiptoed out.

Guess the Numinous had died for him; he’d have to look for a new bar.

Kawanishi was probably going to murder him.

  
  


~

“There’s been those rumours again,” Kawanishi said, sipping on his coffee. The demon had a terrible case of bed hair and the expression in his eyes hinted at the headache that probably pained him. Shirabu had advised him numerous times to forgo the salt when drinking Tequila shots, but apparently that wasn’t  _ authentic  _ enough. That’s what he got for not listening.

“I’ve heard them too!” Goshiki nodded excitedly. 

A confused frown spread on Shirabu’s face, as he stirred in his tea. “What rumours?”

“It’s said that there’s been gods around recently,” Kawanishi explained casually. “Or maybe they were never really gone.”

Something uncomfortable churned at Shirabu’s unconscious but he tried to laugh it off.

“That’s impossible, they’ve been long-forgotten,” he said and maybe he was trying to convince himself more than he was trying to convince the other two. “Sometimes rumours are just that: rumours.”

The black-haired demon shrugged. “I don’t know, Shirabu, it seemed pretty believable.”

“No offense, but that doesn’t mean anything coming from you, bowl-cut brat. You’re the most starry-eyed incubus I’ve ever encountered.”

“Why not see for yourself, Kenjirou?” There was a challenging undertone in Kawanishi’s voice that had Shirabu suspicious. “I’ve heard a certain bartender at the Numinous knows more.”

“What would Semi know about that?” he hissed, not particularly thrilled to talk to him so soon after what happened (or ever again for that matter). He also hadn’t told Kawanishi about it yet, still hoping to come up with a believable excuse to find a new bar that didn’t involve his sex life.

Kawanishi didn’t reply though, just throwing him a knowing grin while Goshiki seemed to be as clueless as Shirabu himself.

“Fine.” Annoyed, he pushed himself up from the chair and slipped into his coat.

“You didn’t pay for your tea yet, Kenji,” Kawanishi yelled after him but Shirabu just shrugged.

“You still owe me anyway.”

Before he left the café he overheard Goshiki mumbling something to the other demon, ambition dripping from the young incubus’ voice.

“I don’t get what’s so special about the gods anyway, I’m sure I’ll be much stronger than them in no time.” 

“Dream on, Tsutomu.” Kawanishi replied with a chuckle.

~

Shirabu hated to admit that he was dying to go and find out more. He’d been telling himself that he was over the whole godly bullshit. Yet, now that there was suddenly a trace, he couldn’t just ignore it. He had to know more, even if it meant asking that annoying bartender.

With straightened shoulders that he hoped would exude an air of confidence, he walked into the bar, purposefully strutting towards the counter. It was way too early, so instead of the usual bustle only a few people were scattered across the room, soft music and light chatter filling the air.

“Back for more so quickly?” A confident grin spread on Semi’s face when he caught sight of Shirabu walking in. 

The strawberry blonde clicked his tongue at him. “In your dreams,” he shot back as he sat down. “It’s about something else.”

“Oh,” Semi replied, his knowing expression making Shirabu uneasy. “So it’s about  _ that _ , huh?”

With a snap of his fingers, the room felt more intense, drained of its music and chatter. Shirabu could see the aura in his greyish eyes and feel it in the stuffy air around them. 

_ How did he not notice before? _ Semi must be excellent at hiding his aura if he'd managed to fool Shirabu all this time. Or maybe he’d just become careless and too sure of the gods’ disappearance.

He swallowed. “That can’t be.”

“And why is that?” Semi leaned in closer and Shirabu instinctively flinched away.

“You’re forgotten!” 

“Are we now?” The bartender raised an eyebrow, a grin decorating his lips.

“ _ Yes! _ ”

“You seem to remember us well, though.”

“But that shouldn’t matter, I’m not human,” Shirabu exclaimed, almost angrily.

“Who said we needed to rely on the beliefs of humans?”

“But— what?!” That didn’t make sense. That simply didn’t make any sense at all.

“Shouldn’t you feel relieved though, that the gods are still around,  _ angel _ ?” Even in the dim light Shirabu could see the provocative glint in Semi’s eyes.

“Or are you afraid of losing your newfound freedom?” 

Shirabu scowled. He’d been desperately lying all this time, keeping his halo carefully hidden from curious eyes, making sure his role as a healer was believable. But of course, a god would know what he was. 

“Since when have you known?” He tried to swallow around the big lump in his throat. “That night… did you already know then?”

The bartender’s features looked almost soft. “I’ve known from the start, Shirabu. You can’t hide your halo from  _ a god _ .”

“Then why didn’t you say anything?!”

“You seemed to have your reasons for hiding it.”

“Then why would you say it now?”

“Because it seemed to be a relevant part of this conversation. Why would a mere healer be so enraged about this?” He regarded Shirabu for a moment. “Then again, I’m not sure I understand why an angel would be, either.”

“Of course you wouldn’t understand.” 

When he hopped off the bar stool, the soft chatter and bustle of the room returned in a flash and only his pride kept him from wincing in surprise. 

_ The God of Sound, huh? _ He should have figured.


	2. ZWEI

_ “As much as I love bickering with you, I’m afraid I’ll have to lock up soon, so you should head home.” _

_ Shirabu looked up from his empty glass, head buzzing from the alcohol. _

_ “Don’t wanna,” he replied, well aware that he was slurring his speech. _

_ “Then where do you want to go?” Semi had a lopsided grin on his lips and Shirabu hated himself for thinking it was handsome. _

_ “I dunno,” he shrugged, before resting his chin on his hand. “I just don’t wanna be alone, not tonight, not again.” _

_ The bartender sighed, ruffling his ash blonde hair. “Fine, you can come up with me, my flat is above the bar.” _

_ Even in his drunken state Shirabu knew that it may not be the best idea, but he was tired and lonely and it was the first time in ages that he had the chance to not sleep alone. _

_ After Semi had wiped down the counter and taken out the trash, they went out, locking the front door behind them. A small passage brought them to the courtyard where stairs lead up to the flat.  _

_ “Convenient,” Shirabu mumbled, just to fill the silence. “To live so close to your workplace.” _

_ “I suppose.” Semi shut the door behind him but didn’t turn on the light. Shirabu didn’t mind, his eyes wouldn’t appreciate the sudden glare anyway.  _

_ Clumsily, he tried to take off his shoes, opting to just kick them off when his fingers failed at untying them. He put a little too much energy into it though, almost tumbling over and landing on his ass.  _

_ Before he could fall, strong hands wrapped around his waist, steadying him. _

_ “Careful,” Semi whispered, their faces a little too close. “Maybe you shouldn’t drink this much next time.” _

_ Shirabu swallowed, his eyes flicking to Semi’s lips and back up to the grey eyes. _

_ “Why, you don’t like me being here?” _

_ The other chuckled, and Shirabu could feel it on his skin.  _

_ “I don’t mind, but I’m not sure how the sober you would feel about it.” Despite his words, Semi’s hands were still on his waist, holding him close. _

_ “He wouldn’t care,” Shirabu replied, before closing the space between them in an impatient kiss.  _

_ God, how he’d missed that, the feeling of being close to someone, the feeling of warmth. _

_ After recovering from his surprise, Semi returned the kiss. It felt passionate and hot and way too good to be real. But then the bartender pulled back, uncertainty in his eyes. _

_ “Shirabu, you’re drunk. You will regret this by morning.” His voice was a lot softer compared to his usual teasing tone. _

_ “No, I won’t,” Shirabu replied, voice surprisingly steady for his tipsy state. “I promise I won’t.” How could he possibly regret this when it felt so right? _

_ Semi’s eyes met his own, searching for something but coming up blank. _

_ “Are you sure?” _

_ “God, yes, just hold me. Please.” _

_ With that he pushed close again, still as rushed and impatient as before, but Semi didn’t let him do as he pleased, stopping the motion with a finger to his lips. _

_ “Okay,” he whispered. “But not like that, let’s take our time.”  _

_ He kissed him, slow and gentle and Shirabu could have melted right there. He could barely stop himself from nodding eagerly. There was just something about the way Semi spoke to him, something about his voice; it was almost enchanting. _

_ A smile played at the bartender’s lips as he led him into his bedroom, pushing him into the soft pillows.  _

_ Every touch to his skin was caring and sweet, so sweet it made his heart ache with something Shirabu couldn’t quite name. Maybe it was a longing for something more, for something real.  _

_ Not that he’d ever admit that to himself. _

_ Semi’s lips left a hickey on his collarbone while his fingers deftly undid the buttons of Shirabu’s white shirt. When his hands wandered lower, the strawberry blonde couldn’t suppress a high pitched gasp that he immediately muffled by biting his lower lip hard enough to draw blood. _

_ “Don’t,” the other whispered, dark grey eyes meeting his own. Semi reached up, gently tugging his lip free before giving him a chaste kiss.  _

_ “I like your voice.  _

_ Let me hear it.” _

_ ~ _

Shirabu startled awake with sweaty hands and his hair sticking to his forehead. His eyes wandered to the empty pillow next to him and he let out a sigh of relief at the absence of an ash blonde head of hair. It was just a dream.

_ At least this time _ , it was just a dream.

With shaking hands he brushed the hair strands out of his face.  _ This didn’t mean anything _ , he told himself. Nothing at all. He totally hadn’t enjoyed their night together and he absolutely wasn’t yearning for it to happen again. He couldn’t stand that damn barkeeper.

Shirabu regretted confronting Semi about the whole godly issue last night. It was bad enough that he’d slept with the prick, now he had to deal with him being a god on top of that. It didn’t exactly help that the blurred memories of sweet nothings and gentle touches kept playing in his mind. 

But he’d been too curious to not do something. Because if some gods were still around, maybe  _ he  _ was still out there somewhere too. 

The thought made him feel restless, pacing in his apartment and trying to think of a way,  _ any way _ , to find out more. He could, of course, search the net for answers, but it’s not like he hadn’t tried that before; it was fruitless. All he found online were some human pseudo gods, trying to make money with whatever services they offered. Real gods wouldn’t be interested in that kind of thing (or well, most of them anyway).

Asking Kawanishi how he knew about the rumor in the first place could also help, but his friend had already made it clear that he wouldn’t tell him more. Probably because he was too amused about the whole situation between him and Semi, even without knowing  _ everything  _ that was going on between them.

In the end, his brain came up with exactly one logical option: Go back to Semi and ask him what he wanted to know.

Needless to say, Shirabu wasn’t very fond of the idea so he put it off for now, giving himself more time to think of something, anything else.

But Semi seemed to haunt him, his voice whispering to the angel whenever the day got too quiet. Shirabu shut it out by keeping himself busy. He cleaned his flat, though it didn’t really need it, did his laundry, though he barely had enough worn clothes to fill half a machine. Lastly, Shirabu tried to write a grocery list, but he couldn’t come up with anything he actually needed.

Running out of chores to do, he settled down on his couch with a tea and an article about the healing properties of herbs and crystals. The contents weren’t anything new to him, so it did a poor job of keeping his mind off a certain bartender.

When his phone rang with a message from Kawanishi asking to meet, he blew out his second sigh of relief for the day. His friends would surely be able to distract him.

__

~

__

The thing was, he and his friends either met at a café that served interesting coffee and tea blends as well as enchanted truffles, or at that goddamn bar that Shirabu both loathed and loved.    
  
So avoiding a certain bar owner without telling anyone  _ why _ , wasn’t the easiest task. To Shirabu’s surprise and unbeknownst to the person himself, Goshiki came to his rescue today.

“I really can’t handle that human, not tonight!” the incubus declared, and though it was met with a chuckle from Kawanishi, they went to some human-owned bar instead.

__

“Oh,” the server said when he reached their little corner table, and then again, “Oh!”

Horror and annoyance spread across Goshiki’s face. Shirabu couldn’t help the snicker escaping his throat, but he was still better than Kawanishi who straight-up laughed at Goshiki’s misery, patting his back in mock comfort. They’d really chosen the one human bar where that kid worked as a server.

“Goshiki!” The guy’s voice was too loud for the small room and some people curiously turned their heads at them. A furious blush spread on Goshiki’s cheeks, his frown deepening. 

“Koganegawa,” he replied, untypically quiet. 

The server didn’t seem to notice his annoyance because he just proceeded with a big, excited smile, saying how glad he was to get to see Goshiki even though it wasn’t his day off.

“So,” Shirabu interrupted his chatter with a raised eyebrow. “Can we order, or?”

“Yes, yes, sure, I’m sorry, what can I bring you?”

Shirabu and Goshiki went for Sake, while Kawanishi ordered something called Demon’s Breath (the contents sounded absolutely disgusting).

“Any exciting news regarding Semi?” the ginger eventually asked, before taking a swig of his drink.

Shirabu almost choked on his own drink, coughing miserably. He prayed that his flushed face could be blamed on the choking. Images of Semi flashed before his inner eye, hands grazing Shirabu’s skin, a gentle voice ringing in Shirabu’s ear.

“What do you mean?” he spluttered.

“Uh, well, I told you to talk to him regarding the rumours, right?”

“Right, yeah, yes, right. I did.”

“So?” Kawanishi smirked.

“Don’t you already know?”

“I do, but it’s more fun to hear it from you,” he replied with a shrug. Then he regarded Shirabu for a second, thoughtfully. “Why are you so desperate to find out more about this anyway? Why are you so weird when it comes to gods?”

“I’m not,” Shirabu replied, but they both knew it was a laughable attempt at lying. Kawanishi didn’t push further though. 

__

~

It’d been almost a week since he’d last gone to Semi’s bar, refusing invitations from his friends with the excuse of being swamped with work. As if Shirabu was actually working on a regular basis. Ever since he’d lost his former occupation (if you could call being someone’s angel an occupation), he’d been doing nothing but the occasional odd jobs here and there. Rather than choosing his current work, he’d stumbled into it. Kawanishi had asked him to help a friend who got hurt and then word-of-mouth landed him more and more patrons. Mostly, he’d been preparing herbs and potions, or healed demons that got burned on salt or holy water. It wasn’t too exhausting and it made good money, but Shirabu wasn’t interested in making it a serious business. Sure, he liked being a healer, except he wasn’t  _ really _ a healer. Shirabu was an angel, and you don’t just stop being one just because your god disappears.

Or maybe you do.

__

Shirabu probably looked suspicious, pacing in front of the bar like a maniac and letting out a long sigh from time to time. But he just needed a little more time to prepare himself before going in. 

Coming back here to ask Semi for help felt like he’d lost, and Shirabu  _ hated  _ losing. But even after thinking about it for an extensive amount of time, he hadn’t come up with a different solution. This was the only way he knew to find out more. 

With a deep breath, he pushed open the door and was immediately engulfed in soothing music and the smell of smoke. It was hot and way too crowded, probably thanks to the live act at the far end of the bar. Shirabu didn’t really pay attention to them, though — too focused on his task. The realization that he hadn’t chosen the perfect time for this conversation was dawning on him now, but he doubted that he could steel himself to come back if he left now. So he made his way through the sweaty crowd that swayed and sung along to the band, trying to remind himself why he was doing this in the first place. 

When he finally reached the bar, his target subject was nowhere in sight. Instead Réon, the other bar keeper, was taking the orders. In his annoyance, Shirabu couldn’t help making a face. He came here, pushed aside his reluctance and personal feelings and all for nothing?

Just when he was about to turn back around and leave, Réon seemed to have spotted him, a warm smile on his lips.

“Shirabu! Didn’t expect to see you here. So you’re a fan after all, huh?” The bartender winked at him, and he just stared at him in confusion until he heard a way too familiar voice sounding through the room. Shirabu’s head whipped around to the stage and his target subject was right there, in the spotlight, a microphone in his hand and a bass guitar hanging in front of his chest.

“So,” he said, and Shirabu wondered how he hadn’t noticed it was him up there when he’d walked in. “If you’ve been around for a while you may know the next song.” 

He smiled into the crowd and pushed the microphone back onto the stand. Then he started playing, his fingers moving quickly over the strings, filling the room with a melodic bassline that was soon joined by a guitar and drums. Some people cheered, seemingly recognizing the tune.

After a few more beats, Semi leaned closer to the mic and started singing. His voice was raw and captivating and Shirabu couldn’t take his eyes off him. His pulse seemed to become one with the rhythm of the song and though he’d never thought of himself as a music enthusiast, he wanted to keep listening forever. 

Shirabu told himself that he just stuck around so he could talk to Semi afterwards. But the truth was, he couldn’t bring himself to leave, not when the music managed to stir him up and make him feel at home all at once. It seemed a little unfair, for the god of sound to be part of a band.

When the crowd was calming down, some making their way home, others sticking around for a round of drinks or two, the angel was still at the bar, waiting for his chance to talk to Semi. The man was surrounded by some fans talking to him and the band, seemingly enjoying the attention. Shirabu grew annoyed at the way he smiled so wide and earnestly at them. Usually Semi was full of mockery and snarky grins, yet he looked at the little group of people around him like they’d hung the stars in the sky. It was absurd.

He was on his fourth drink of the night when Semi finally walked over to the bar, free of his groupies and the rest of his band. When he met Shirabu’s gaze, the angel could have sworn there was something like excitement in his eyes, before he went back to his usual sneer.

“Came to see me?”

“I’d like to say no, but actually yes. I need to talk to you,” Shirabu said, unable to keep the scowl off his face.

“That sounds serious.” Semi eyed him thoughtfully. “Let’s go upstairs?”

Shirabu just stared at him, unsure of what to do. Sure, he didn’t really want to talk here in front of Réon and other people that potentially knew him. But he also wasn’t that fond of the idea of going upstairs, not after what that had ended with last time.

The other seemed to know what was troubling him, because a smug grin appeared on his lips. “Just talking, Shirabu,” He leaned in a little closer, his voice turning husky. “Unless you’re looking for something else.”

“Let’s just go.” Shirabu squinted at him angrily, but the god didn’t seem bothered. He just gesticulated over to Réon, who nodded knowingly, before leading Shirabu out the door and to his flat. 

__  
  


“So,” Semi said as soon as they were settled on his couch. “You wanted to talk?”

Shirabu nodded. “I- I need to know where the rumours came from.”

“Rumours?” the god asked, one eyebrow raised. 

“Yes, rumours.” He couldn’t help getting a little impatient. “I didn’t come to talk that time out of nowhere. I’d heard that there are rumours going around, about gods being in town and I’ve been told to ask you.”

“Hm,” Semi looked at him. “Those rumours, huh?”

“ _ Yes _ .” Shirabu was sure his impatience was getting visible.

“It wasn’t anything big, though. Just some god coming to town, asking around if someone had seen his archangel.” Semi said it nonchalantly, seemingly unaware of just how big those news were to Shirabu.

“ _ He did? _ ” He whispered, hope pulsing through every vein of his body.  _ Maybe he was here, looking for me, coming back for me. _

“Yeah,” Semi said, a little surprised by the intensity of Shirabu’s interest. “It happens sometimes. That god is … peculiar, so Iwaizumi sometimes needs a little time for himself.”

Confusion clouded his mind, but he refused to give up hope just yet. “Iwaizumi?” Shirabu asked, breathless.

“Yeah, Oikawa’s archangel. He always goes back, though. They have a deep connection after all.”

_ Oikawa _ . Shirabu knew he should let it be, shouldn’t ask further since there wasn’t any hope left anyway. He was setting himself up to get his heart broken, but he couldn’t help it. The question slipped out before he could stop himself.

“Who’s Oikawa?”

“Uh, you know, Oikawa, the god of indulgence?” The other seemed a little unsure about Shirabu’s reaction, but it’s not like the angel particularly cared. He was too out of it, too focused on the fact that there was a god in  _ this town _ , looking for his archangel. But it was just Oikawa, some frivolous god looking for his angel on the run.

He swallowed, feeling the hope in him shatter into tiny, tiny pieces. Tears started to fill his eyes, but Shirabu couldn’t let himself cry, not here, not in front of Semi. So he stared at the white ceiling, willing the tears away.

“What’s got you so interested in this?” Semi asked after a while, his voice soft.

Shirabu couldn’t reply, not without giving in to his tears, so he just kept his eyes focused on the ceiling, examining every little bump on the color until he felt able to talk. Semi just sat beside him, waiting patiently for Shirabu to raise his voice.

“I’m looking for someone,” he breathed after what felt like an eternity.

“You know,” Semi said. “If you tell me who it is I may be able to help. I’m the god of sound, if someone within my reach raises their voice, I will know.”

Shirabu turned to face him, surprised that Semi was willing to help him after all their snarky interactions. He was met with earnest eyes, reassuring Shirabu to trust him with this.

“Ushijima,” he finally said, his voice barely a whisper. “I’m looking for Ushijima.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Art by Iris (https://www.instagram.com/kueh.jpg/)
> 
> Thank you for reading! I'm grateful for every kudos/comment♡


	3. DREI

“Ushijima, huh? The god of strength...” Semi repeated thoughtfully, before turning to Shirabu, a silent apology in his eyes. “I haven’t heard his voice in a long time... Not that he’d ever been one of many words.”

The strawberry blonde looked away, his fingers clinging to the fabric of his pants. He felt crushed all over again. It was idiotic, really, because Shirabu should know better than getting his hopes up every time, just to have them shattered a second later.

“Do you think—” he started before choking on his own words. “Is he… gone?”

“You mean dead?” Semi asked and Shirabu merely nodded.

“It doesn’t work like that, Shirabu. You know that, don’t you? He’s a god, he can’t die.”

“But what if no one believed in him anymore, what if he stopped existing because he was no longer needed?” That’s what Shirabu had been fearing this whole time after all. He’d been thinking that the lack of believers had killed his god, had killed all of them. Until the mere existence of Semi Eita had proved him wrong.

“Didn’t I tell you before? We don’t have to rely on humans,” The god smiled encouragingly. “Then again, they are the main source of our powers. We’re not dead, just... weaker.” 

He huffed a laugh. “I used to be able to hear it all, you know? Wherever in the world someone whispered, if I wanted to have a listen I could. Now, I barely notice anything beyond the outskirts of this town.”

“I’m sorry,” Shirabu replied, for lack of anything else to say.

“Don’t worry about it. What I mean to say is, we’re still around. Maybe we’re tattered, but we’re still there.” He reached out to pat Shirabu’s back comfortingly, but stopped his hand midair and let it fall back into his lap.

“I don’t know what happened and why you’re so desperate to find him, but if I hear his voice or hear someone call his name I will tell you. I promise.”

“Thank you.”

~

Shirabu started going to the Numinous regularly again after that. Something had shifted between them, not too obviously but just enough to know it was there. They still bickered like before, but in between the snarky remarks were knowing glances. Shirabu didn’t have to ask if he’d heard anything; Semi seemed to see the question in Shirabu’s eyes before he even opened his mouth, answering with an apologetic smile and a shake of his head.

“Can I ask you something?” Shirabu asked one night, the bar already emptying out this close to closing time.

“Sure,” Semi replied as he wiped down the counter.

“Are you still in touch with them? Your angels I mean?”

The god looked up, an unreadable expression in his eyes that was quickly replaced by a non-commital shrug. “Not really. We’re all living our own life’s now. The one or the other comes to visit me from time to time, but that’s it.” He chuckled. “Okay, well, Réon is still working with me,” Semi nodded over to the tall man who was shooing out the last of their guests. “But he’s the exception. You just don’t part ways with your archangel so easily.”

Shirabu tried to ignore the way his blood seemed to freeze in his veins. He feigned nonchalance, forcing a bitter smile onto his lips. “I guess so.”

~

Kawanishi eyed his friends sceptically. “So, why do both of you look like you just returned from a funeral?”

Goshiki shrugged, his eyes wandering to the counter, where a pouting human was flashing glances at their table.

“I can’t believe you’re still worried about that guy. Just reject him,” Shirabu said with a roll of his eyes.

“I _did_!” The black-haired incubus replied angrily, before slumping down again with a heavy sigh.

The other demon raised an eyebrow at his behaviour. “Why the long face then?” 

“He just looked so… _heartbroken_.”

Kawanishi didn’t even try to stifle his laughter. “You’re too sensitive, Tsutomu.” He took a long swig of his drink. “Why is that guy so obsessed with you anyway?”

Though he wasn’t particularly interested in Goshiki’s love troubles (not when his mind was filled with troubles of his own), even Shirabu noticed the way the incubus’ cheeks flushed before he replied. 

“I may have eaten him once.”

“Ah, that bad?” The ginger grinned.

Goshiki looked a little surprised. “What? No, it was fine. Good, actually.”

Shirabu eyed him in total confusion. Maybe he didn’t have the best insight on this, not being a demon himself and all, but Goshiki’s behaviour seemed nonsensical. “Why do you keep on running from him then, even though he's presenting himself on a silver platter?”

Goshiki shrugged, hiding his bright red face behind his hands. The copper-haired demon laughed again. “It was _too_ good, huh?”

His eyes took on a mischievous glint that Shirabu knew couldn’t mean anything good. “Why don’t we give you two some room to properly talk it over again?”

“What? No!” Goshiki exclaimed, but Kawanishi had already waved Koganegawa over to the table. 

“Good luck,” he said, taking his drink and getting up to leave. 

Shirabu sighed, weighing his options. He could stay at the table and be the third wheel at whatever heartfelt conversation was about to follow, or he could be literally _anywhere else_. It wasn’t a particular hard choice to make, so he grabbed his empty glass and got up.

“No, no, Shirabu you have to stay. Please?” Goshiki begged, and Shirabu almost felt a little sorry for him. But when he saw the blonde human walking over, a mixture of nerves and excitement painted onto his face, all his compassion was forgotten.

Kawanishi had seemingly disappeared into thin air, so Shirabu sat down at the counter by himself, nodding tensely when Réon asked if he wanted a refill.

He knew it wasn’t Réon’s fault that Semi had kept him around, while Shirabu was left behind without a word by his own god. And it’s not like he disliked the tall man. On the contrary: Réon was probably one of the kindest people he’d met so far. Yet, looking at him and seeing how he and Semi were so close filled him with a sense of jealousy that he desperately tried to keep at bay.

 _If he’d been more like Réon_ , _maybe Ushijima would have kept him around too,_ a dark voice in his head whispered.

“You’re here again,” Semi suddenly said, pulling him out of his thoughts. Shirabu frowned at the bar owner in confusion.

“You greeted us when we came in?”

“No, yes, I mean at the counter.” Semi grinned. “You seem to sit here a lot these days.”

“Out of necessity,” Shirabu replied, shooting a glance at their table that was now occupied by Koganegawa and Goshiki.

“Sure,” the god said, and Shirabu could see in the way he smirked that he didn’t believe him. If Shirabu was honest with himself, Semi wasn’t entirely off target. He’d been sitting at the counter more often than not, only opting for the booth when Koganegawa or Goshiki were with him. Which was another change, because Shirabu had never come without the two of them before. Now, he visited almost nightly, by himself or not.

“How many have you had?” Semi eventually asked, gesturing to Shirabu’s refilled glass.

“Four, maybe five?”

“Are you sure you should be drinking that much?”

“What are you, my dad?”

Semi’s face split into a grin. “If that’s what you’re into.”

“If I remember correctly, _you_ prefer to be called by your name, though.”

“Oh,” the other raised an eyebrow challengingly. “So we’re suddenly talking about this?”

“We’re not,” Shirabu deflected, immediately regretting that he brought it up at all. Semi just laughed, small crinkles forming in the corners of his eyes.

“Alright, princess. Whatever you say.” 

Shirabu felt himself blushing despite his best efforts, and was more than thankful when Réon waved him over from the other end of the bar. 

“I’ll be right back with you.”

“I don’t care.”

Semi moved over to where Réon was waiting for him, a big smile spreading on his lips, when he saw the two customers the tall bartender was currently talking to. Shirabu couldn’t hear what they were saying, but they seemed well acquainted and the ash blonde looked genuinely happy to see them. It almost looked like a family reunion. 

Semi’s voice rang in Shirabu’s mind. _The one or the other comes to visit me from time to time._ Maybe they were his angels, coming to see his god who had told them where he was, who was happy to see them. 

Even though he knew he shouldn’t, Shirabu kept watching the small group, slowly sipping on his drink. Réon playfully threw his arm over Semi’s shoulder, ruffling the ashblonde’s hair with his free hand. Semi said something, pushing the taller man away but it was obvious he didn’t really mind. He was laughing in that carefree way that he rarely ever showed to Shirabu. 

Shirabu scoffed. _Have they always been this touchy?_ They weren’t even paying attention to him and yet it felt like they were rubbing it in his face. It had obviously never been like that between Ushijima and him, the god of strength was reserved and not that big on physical contact. It’d worked just fine for Shirabu, he wasn’t too fond of touching either and freely expressing affection had never come naturally to him. Yet, seeing Semi and Réon so close and undeniably affectionate with each other filled Shirabu with longing.

The angel didn’t bother emptying his half full glass, he just left some bills on the counter and left, unable to endure any more of that show for tonight.

~

“You just left the other day,” Semi said, as he slid over the shot Shirabu had ordered. 

Shirabu just shrugged, already reaching for the glass.

“You have no news for me, I suppose?” he asked, ignoring the disappointment he’d heard in Semi’s voice.

“Sorry,” the other replied watching with a frown as Shirabu knocked back the burning liquid, probably recounting in his head how many glasses the angel had already had that night.

“Another.” 

The bar owner eyed him critically before reluctantly refilling the small glass. “You don’t usually drink shots.”

“So?” He didn’t bother meeting the other’s gaze as he raised his glass again. 

“Shirabu, are you okay?” 

A frown appeared on the strawberry blonde’s face. “I don’t know what you’re getting at. I’m fine.”

“You’re coming here every night, asking about Ushijima and drinking too much and I just—I’m worried about you. You don’t _look_ fine.”

“Shouldn’t that be convenient for you though? Increases sales.”

Semi didn’t look amused by the sarcastic answer at all. “I’m not asking as the owner of this bar, Shirabu. I’m asking as someone who cares about you.”

He sighed, brushing back his ash blonde hair with a smooth movement. “Listen, I know it’s not my place to meddle, but maybe you should cut back on the search a little. It’s not good to be so hung up on it. You should try and focus on yourself, too.”

Somewhere in the back of his mind, Shirabu knew that Semi didn’t mean to offend him. Yet he couldn’t stop from getting angry.

“You’re right, it’s not your place to meddle,” Shirabu hissed. “You don’t know shit about me and what’s good for me!”

Semi looked at him, something like worry in his eyes, maybe pity, and somehow that just made it all worse. Shirabu didn’t want to be pitied, even if he felt terribly pitiful.

“Don’t you dare judge me for how I spent my life!”

“Shirabu, I’m not—”

“Yes, you are!” Shirabu cut him off. “That’s exactly what you’re doing. You’re lecturing me about my life choices while you yourself are just some meaningless small fry god running a shabby bar!”

The compassion that had been visible in Semi’s grey eyes a second ago vanished, replaced by obvious frustration.

“If you hate this bar so much then how come you’re here every night?” Semi shook his head. “What are you so mad about? The bar? _Really_?” He sighed. “Come back when you’ve sorted out your feelings, brat.”

Shirabu felt his hands shaking and angry tears pricking at his eyes. Before he could lose face even further by crying in front of that shitty bartender, he got up from his stool and stormed out of the bar. He felt a lot more unsteady on his legs than expected, but he blamed it on the alcohol.

 _That was it_ , Shirabu decided. He wouldn’t come back to the Numinous again.

Semi had it so damn good with his popular bar and his archangel right by his side. Meanwhile, Shirabu had lost it all. He didn’t have a job, not really, nor did he have a purpose. He was just living day by day, praying desperately that his god would take him back because serving him was everything Shirabu had ever done. But clearly, Ushijima didn’t need him anymore, nor did anyone else. 

Shirabu had become useless. 

~

He spent the rest of the night curled up in his bed, the blanket pulled up to his ears and his eyes firmly shut. But sleep just wouldn’t come for him; instead, he kept thinking about Semi and their fight. A reasonable voice in the back of his mind kept saying that Semi wanted to help—that he was right, even. But compared to his feelings of self pity and contentiousness, the voice simply lost out. It didn’t matter that Shirabu knew better, he started questioning everything. Maybe Semi hadn’t intended to help him in the first place, maybe he’d long heard of Ushijima but kept it a secret because he didn’t want Shirabu to find him. Angry tears made their way down Shirabu’s cheeks and seeped into his pillow case. This was all kinds of fucked up, he shouldn’t have talked to Semi about any of this in the first place.

Except it had felt nice to open up to someone. For once, Shirabu hadn’t had to pretend to be someone else because Semi already knew. And he hadn’t pried, hadn’t pressured Shirabu into revealing anything he wasn’t ready to share with him. He hadn’t questioned why he was looking for Ushijima or why he was hiding his identity. No, he’d patiently listened and supported him when Shirabu needed it. 

A sob escaped his throat. 

Shirabu wasn’t sure what he was crying about.


	4. VIER

“What’s up with you?” Kawanishi asked, his voice sounding rough through the speaker of Shirabu’s phone.

“Nothing’s up with me.”

“Come on, Kenjirou. You’ve been ignoring my texts for days now.”

Shirabu couldn’t argue with that, Kawanishi was right. He’d spent the last few days in his bedroom, ignoring the texts he got from Kawanishi or Goshiki and the one’s he didn’t get from Semi even more.

When he didn’t speak, Kawanishi raised his voice again. “Let’s meet for a coffee,” he said. “Goshiki would like to see you too.”

“As if. He can barely stand me.”

“We both know that isn’t true, Kenji.” He sighed. “Maybe a change of scene would do you good, help you get out of whatever low you’re in.”

“Well, sure but I doubt having a coffee can give me a purpose,” Shirabu replied, his voice oozing with sarcasm.

“Wow,” The other blew out a breath. “Dramatic much?”

Shirabu shrugged even though Kawanishi couldn’t see. 

“You know,” Kawanishi said at the other end of the line. “I’m not sure what this crisis is about and I won’t force you to talk about it. But if you’re ready to crawl out of your cave we’ll be there.” 

The angel couldn’t bring himself to speak, his throat feeling all clogged up. He knew he was being unreasonable. The line stayed silent for a while and Shirabu wasn’t sure his friend was still there, but then he heard him clear his throat.

“And maybe it doesn’t matter, but I don’t think a purpose is something you’re given. It’s something you create for yourself.”

Something about his words made Shirabu’s chest feel tight.

“Okay, then,” Kawanishi mumbled when the angel stayed silent and Shirabu heard in the melody of his voice that he was about to hang up.

“Taichi?”

“Mhm?”

“Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.”

~

Maybe Kawanishi was right, maybe Shirabu should give himself a purpose. But how are you supposed to go about that, when you dedicated your entire existence to someone else? Shirabu felt like he barely knew himself. How was he supposed to know what he wanted?  _ You should try and focus on yourself _ , Semi had said. But what if Shirabu came up empty? What if Shirabu was an empty shell, nothing more to him than something that’d been left behind?

He didn’t get how he was supposed to move on, it didn’t feel possible at all. But it had to be, Semi’s angels seemed to be doing fine and the angels of other gods were probably the same. So why couldn’t he do it?

Shirabu felt tears pricking at his eyes again, and he buried his face in his hands as they made their way down his cheeks. He couldn’t help but wonder what Semi would say if he talked to him about this. Would he just listen? Give him advice? Wrap his arms around him?

Then again, after what had happened between them, the angel wouldn’t be surprised if Semi didn’t want to see him again. 

He wouldn’t be surprised.

But that didn’t mean he’d be okay with it. Shirabu didn’t want to lose whatever they’d had. He wanted Semi to look at him again with that lazy grin, while the god’s fingers brushed his own. He wanted to hear his voice again and gaze into his grey eyes no matter what.

Shirabu had to do something.

~

He stared at the building, the windows dark and empty, the neon sign over the door turned off. The bar was closed. Of course it was, Shirabu should have known. Semi always closed down on Wednesdays. 

But Shirabu hadn’t thought of that when he’d run out. He hadn’t thought of anything, not even a jacket to shield him from the pouring rain. He was drenched to the bone and shivering, unsure if he was crying or if it was just the rain running down his cheeks.

He stood in front of the quiet building for a while before his eyes wandered over to the small passage leading to the courtyard. Maybe it was the cold that was biting at his skin, or maybe it was the suffocating loneliness he felt, but he walked to the courtyard and then up the stairs to Semi’s flat. 

Shirabu’s hands were shaking as he pressed the doorbell, but he did it nevertheless; his desperation won tonight.

Footsteps sounded from inside and shortly after the door swung open. Semi looked him over sleepily, before his eyes went wide at the sight that greeted him on his doorstep.

“Shirabu.” 

The strawberry blonde swallowed, trying to push away his feelings, trying to look less like the mess he was, but to no avail. When he parted his lips to speak, a sob escaped them instead and this time Shirabu was sure the liquid dripping from his jaw onto his already soaked through shirt wasn’t the rain. 

“I couldn’t let it end like that,” he choked out, before the sobs overpowered his ability to speak.

“Shh, it’s okay,” Semi took a step forward. He brushed the wet strands of hair from Shirabu’s forehead before cradling his face. “Let’s get you warmed up first.”

His touch was gentle as he ushered Shirabu inside and helped him out of his drenched clothes and shoes. All the while, he kept whispering calming words to Shirabu who was still crying, the tears running down his cheeks endlessly. 

“I’m here,” he said. “I’ve got you. It’s okay.” 

Semi wrapped him into a soft burgundy blanket and sat him down on the couch with a cup of tea and a box of tissues. All this kindness after he’d treated Semi so cruelly on their last encounter, made Shirabu want to cry even more.

“I’m sorry,” Shirabu sobbed. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean it.”

“I know.”

“But I—” He started, but his voice broke.“I just feel so lost.”

Shirabu noticed Semi shifting beside him before he felt a warm hand on his back moving in slow comforting circles. He found himself leaning into the touch.

“Do you want to tell me about it?” Semi asked with a soft voice, before he clarified: “I mean, there’s more to this, isn’t there? Why did you hide your identity?”

He wanted to tell him, he needed to finally let go of this secret that had weighed him down for decades. But the words felt heavy on his tongue and his lips tasted like salt and sadness. He wiped away the tears that had gathered in the corners of his mouth with the back of his hand before he cautiously spoke again. 

“Ushijima was gone, from one day to the other he had just disappeared. It seemed like all of them were suddenly gone, wiped from this universe. I didn’t— As time went by it felt more and more like I was a last useless remnant of forgotten times. I didn’t want to feel like that anymore. Playing pretend didn’t really help, though,” He swallowed. “It’s worse than that though, isn’t it?” Shirabu laughed but it sounded coarse and bitter. “I’m not what remained from back then. I’m what was  _ left behind _ .”

Semi pulled him closer, Shirabu’s shoulder resting against his chest. “I’m sorry,” he whispered into Shirabu’s hair. “I’m so sorry.”

“I was his  _ archangel _ ,” His voice was shaking but he couldn’t stop talking, not now when he finally let it all out. “Even if he didn’t tell anyone else, he should have told  _ me _ .” He buried his face in Semi’s neck who wrapped his other arm around Shirabu’s back.

“I’ve felt guilty all this time, thinking I’d failed in guiding and protecting him. I thought he was  _ dead  _ because of my failure. But he didn’t leave this world, he just left me.”

Semi didn’t say anything, just running his hands up and down Shirabu’s back until his breathing calmed down.

“I want to be better, I want to make a life for myself but I just— I don’t know how to let this go,” Shirabu whispered after a while, pushing himself away a little to look into Semi’s face. “How did you do it?”

The god met his gaze with a light shrug. “In a way it was a chance, you know?” 

“How?” 

“When people stopped praying to ask for guidance I lost my purpose, yes. But I suddenly had time to do things I couldn’t do before. I love the Numinous and it wouldn’t exist if things had been different. I know it’s scary and intimidating and feels like the end of everything. But it can be a new beginning too, you know? You get to start over.”

“But what if I can’t find anything like that for myself?”

Semi smiled at him, gently cupping his tear stained cheeks. “I’ll lend you a hand. We’ll figure it out.”

And then he leaned in, brushing their lips together softly before pulling away again, looking for a reaction in Shirabu’s eyes. 

“Is this okay?”

“Yeah, yes, just do it again,” the angel whispered, unable to tear his eyes away from Semi’s lips. 

When they touched again, it felt so natural, so comforting, so  _ good _ , that Shirabu wanted to keep doing it forever. Not because he’d missed kissing or because he’d been lonely. The answer was easier than that: Shirabu loved him. 

“Maybe we should—” Semi said in between chaste kisses. “—get you something proper to wear,” He grinned, his eyes dropping down to Shirabu’s body which was still wrapped in the soft burgundy blanket. “Can’t have you catching a cold.”

Shirabu felt a blush creep up his neck at the realization that he’d been sitting on this couch in nothing but boxer briefs and a blanket. “Uh, yeah, it’d be great if you could lend me something to get home in.”

“What do you mean  _ to get home in _ ?” Semi eyes him with a raised eyebrow. “You wanna go home  _ now _ ? It’s past midnight Shirabu, and it’s still raining. Just stay the night.”

“I already came unannounced, I really shouldn’t.”

“You didn’t have such reservations last time you stayed over.” He brushed his fingers through Shirabu’s hair as he drew so close that the angel could feel his breathing on his skin. “I won’t stop you if you want to leave,” he whispered, their lips almost touching. “But I’d really like it if you stayed the night.”

Shirabu frowned, trying to ignore how hot his cheeks felt. “Fine,” he replied, refusing to meet Semi’s gaze. “So get me something to sleep in.”

Semi grinned. “At once.”

~

Call him a fool, but Shirabu had kinda expected something after Semi had told him to stay over. But now he was just laying next to him in his bed, wearing a loose shirt Semi had given to him.

“It’s been a long night,” Semi had said, leaving a kiss on the tip of Shirabu’s nose. “Let’s just go to sleep. We can’t have you regretting it again.”

So here they were, laying under the blanket Shirabu had slept under once before. But it felt so much more nerve-wracking now compared to the last time. It was the lack of alcohol, Shirabu supposed. And maybe the fact that he hadn’t been in love with Semi the last time he’d landed here.

His mind kept wandering here and there, hopping from one useless thought to the next and it left him feeling restless.

“You good?” Semi eventually asked. 

From his peripheral vision, he saw him glancing over, but Shirabu didn’t turn around, instead keeping his eyes trained on the raindrops pattering on the glass of the roof-light. “I don’t regret it.”

Semis breathing hitched, before he answered, the smile hearable in his voice. “That’s good.”

“Semi?” The strawberry blonde turned his head to meet his gaze in the halflight of the room.

“Mhm?”

“If— if I’d been your archangel, would you’ve abandoned me too?”

Semi’s grey eyes went wide before softening. His hands found Shirabu’s cheeks in a gentle touch. “Never,” he whispered, his lips brushing Shirabu’s forehead in a kiss. 

“Never.”

  
  


~

  
  


When Shirabu woke up, the smell of breakfast filled the flat. Sleepily, he crawled out of bed and made his way to the kitchen, still wearing the shirt that Semi gave him the night before.

“Morning, sleepyhead,” Semi said when he spotted Shirabu by the door. “You want tea or coffee?”

“Tea, please,” the angel replied as he made his way to sit at the small kitchen table where Semi had already dished up rice, miso soup and tamagoyaki. “Thanks for making breakfast.”

The god smiled. “You’re welcome.” He came over with a cup of tea for Shirabu and coffee for himself and set them onto the table before leaning over and pressing a kiss onto the crown of Shirabu’s head. “Did you sleep well?”

“Yeah.” Shirabu took a sip from his cup only to find it was still way too hot. “You know, I was thinking maybe it’s okay to stop looking for Ushijima for now.”

“How come?”

“Well, he’ll probably contact me when he’s ready, right?” The angel shrugged. “And maybe you were right and I should focus on myself a little. So I’ll try to do that.”

Semi reached out over the table and intertwined their hands, a gentle expression on his face. “That’s a good thing, Shirabu. I’m really happy for you.” A mischievous smile appeared on his lips.“I hope you’ll still have some time left for us, though.”

Shirabu grinned back, before lifting their hands and brushing his lips over Semi’s fingers. “Always.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for sticking with this story. I hope you enjoyed it!  
> I'm super happy about every kudos/comment! <3  
> It was really cool to work on this story, especially since I got teamed up with two amazing artists!
> 
> I'm considering to write a spin off for Goshiki and Koganegawa, as well as Ushijima’s story which is why I created a series for this work that you can follow in case you're intrested :)

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [[fanart] don't cry](https://archiveofourown.org/works/28571157) by [yakus](https://archiveofourown.org/users/yakus/pseuds/yakus)




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